Did you know that a mere 15 percent of couples reconcile after a break-up? Almost the same percentage get back together but break up again. Most never end up reconciling at all.
If you’re reeling from a break-up and want to get your ex-girlfriend back, this statistic can be disheartening. And, if you look at it from a numeric perspective, it certainly seems hopeless. If you’re playing roulette with only a 15 percent chance of winning, you might as well be throwing money away.
However, when working with people, this statistic isn’t quite as simple as that. You have to look at what that 15 percent has in common. How did they defy the odds to get back together?
Usually, it’s a combination of admitting wrongdoing, making long-term and sustainable changes, and addressing incompatibilities. Although the specifics of your relationship may vary, we put together this guide to give you a road map for how to win her back. Read on to learn how to do it!
Stop Panicking
If your break-up is fresh in your mind, it will cause you to panic. You’ve probably texted her more than you know you should, especially after a drink or two. This is a natural instinct to try to restore what you had as soon as possible.
It will have the opposite effect instead. In order to win back your ex, stop doing things that make the situation worse. Desperation, begging, bargaining, and trying to invoke pity will only succeed at pushing her away.
Repeatedly messaging your girlfriend and begging for her to come back usually only ends up in her blocking you. It’s time to stop messaging her, take a deep breath, and come up with a rational plan moving forward.
If you need some extra incentive, have a friend write down her number and delete it from your phone. That way, you have access to it if you need it someday, but you’re not tempted to text her as you go through the mourning period.
Don’t Get Angry
Hopefully, we don’t have to spell this one out for you, but don’t insult your ex if you want to get her back someday. Many people resort to name-calling and abusive messages after a break-up.
It should be obvious as to why this is cruel and will only succeed at pushing her further away. If you think you’ll never do this kind of thing, you might be more capable of doing it than you think.
Recent psychological studies have shown that the more insecure and anxious someone is about a breakup, the more likely they are to engage in anger-fueled behavior. This means insults, revenge missions, and more. In other words, the more desperate you are to get your ex back, the more anger will dictate your decisions.
Recognize this impulse for what it is. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, it doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person, but you don’t have to act on it. Feel it, and let it go.
Listen to Her Criticisms
Most likely, your ex gave you some warning before breaking up with you or explained her reasons in the break-up talk. You should have some idea of why she broke up with you, and that’s a great starting point.
For example, maybe your ex said she felt ignored or like she wasn’t a priority. It’s a common knee-jerk reaction after the break-up to claim to have changed immediately, to claim she’s your highest priority and you’re suddenly ready to pay her all the attention she wanted.
This reaction, while well-intentioned, will usually backfire. Your girlfriend doesn’t want you to treat her like a priority only under threat of a break-up. She wants to be treated like a priority all the time!
Even if she believes you, if you don’t actually manifest the changes, you’ll lose her again. You have to make lasting and authentic changes, not just superficial ones in the name of getting your ex back as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, this may take some time, but she’ll be worth it.
To continue with the same example, this means thinking about why your ex felt ignored. Was she the one always asking for dates? Was she the only one to make an effort?
Come up with a list of ways you can show your ex she’s appreciated. Whether it’s taking her for dates, buying her gifts, or taking more time out of your day for her. Winning back your ex is only the first step, consistent and long-term change is the key to keeping her.
Show Her Change
She doesn’t want to hear all your promises to change. You need to show her that you’ve changed through your actions.
For example, if an alcohol problem or infidelity was the cause of your break-up, consider joining an Alcoholics Anonymous group or a sex addicts support group. Only with concrete proof of change can you show that you’re worth the risk of reconciling with.
Therapy
Getting couples therapy is a great idea if you need a neutral party to help articulate your point of view and decode your partner’s.
In addition, individual therapy can help you become more healthy on your own. Taking care of yourself will also make you a more supportive and understanding partner. Once you’ve addressed your own struggles, it will leave you with more room to take care of your partner.
Depression and anxiety can cause more relationship stress than you think. Depression can cause lethargy and apathy and can be an all-consuming cloud on the afflicted. While you might think your sadness only affects you, this isn’t true; it also affects those close to you.
In addition, anxiety can have you hyper-focused on “what-ifs,” and can steer you away from the confident, secure person you aim to be. While your girlfriend can provide you some support, they should not be solely responsible for your mental health. You have to take care of yourself too, in order to be a good partner.
Anxiety can also lead to insecurity and jealousy. In turn, these can lead to manipulation and controlling behavior. This often manifests with excessive and unreasonable concerns that your girlfriend is going to leave you, and subsequent attempts to control her behavior and keep her away from her friends.
If this sounds familiar, therapy is a great way to work on your self-confidence and anxiety issues. A relationship built on trust is much more likely to last than a relationship plagued by worry. Find confidence in yourself to create a better foundation for your relationship.
Seeking individual therapy allows you to grow as a person, and overcome some of the struggles that seem insurmountable. This will make your relationship much less strained and easier to handle.
Don’t Isolate Yourself
Many people try to cope with a break-up by binging alcohol or other substances and isolating themselves. This is a terrible way to grieve, and definitely won’t help you win your girlfriend back.
That said, it’s a natural way to process bad news, so don’t beat yourself up about it, just take the steps to get better. Don’t let yourself wallow and stay stuck.
Overcome this urge by reaching out to your friends and asking for help. They’ll be able to distract you, keep you in a good mood, and help you talk through your feelings if you need it.
A Romantic Gesture Never Hurts
Sometimes, the movies get it right. A romantic gesture or an act of chivalry can work wonders!
However, you should make sure that you’ve already done the legwork of self-improvement before trying this. Otherwise, it can come off as insincere or desperate.
The last step for making up with your ex is showing her the work you’ve done. Giving her a piece of jewelry is a great way to show her how much she means to you, and make her feel both wanted and respected.
We recommend wholesalesparkle.com for affordable but beautiful pieces that are guaranteed to help you on your quest to make up with your girlfriend.
Start Taking the Steps to Win Your Ex-Girlfriend Back
We’ve all been through break-ups that seem hopeless. If you’re experiencing that pain, take comfort in the fact that there’s still hope, if you start taking action today. Clean yourself up, take yourself to therapy, and start becoming the person your ex-girlfriend needs you to be.
While it’s not guaranteed to work, your chances are good. And, even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be able to reap the benefits of being a more healthy and stable person in your next relationship.
If you enjoyed learning how to repair your relationship, we’ve got a lot more tips and guides on our blog. Check it out for more!
